8th
Updates and things.
Haven’t blogged much, and I’m told I’ve been rather quiet (for me anyways) on the Twitters.
Been a rough week since I spose. The nightmares are still happening, but I’ve been talking to someone about them. I’ve forced myself to go out, and that worked wonders. Went to the Sixers game last night to see Iverson’s return and that made me super happy.
Found out today that the surgery to remove a lymph node from under my jaw is early tomorrow morning. The nurses at the hospital know me by name now. They’re always super sweet to me. Can you imagine having a job where you get so many people coming in and out with so many different issues? And still being so sweet and nice and caring?
Nurses are amazing people.
I’m stuck on my Dr.’s “Fairly sure” comment. He’s fairly sure this ever so slightly enlarged lymph node is “nothing”. I know it’s not his fault if he’s wrong…but I’m counting on him for this one. I can choose to freak out and think the worst, or I can focus on the fact that none of my other masses re-appeared, and that this came up on 3 straight PET scans…so it was no surprise.
I’m still angry.
I’m angry at what Cancer has done to me and has done to the now thousands of people I’ve met and talked to since May. I’m angry that Drew Carey doesn’t have more followers. We could have had him at a million by December 31st and he would have donated a million dollars to LIVESTRONG’s Youth Alliance Program. Now mind you, the 260,000 people who HAVE followed him and will count as a dollar towards his donation…are awesome. And I am thankful, as are a lot of people. There’s still time - http://www.milliondollardrew.com
What went wrong?
I don’t know. Maybe it’s the big TV show that I could have been on but missed the cut ever so slightly. Maybe if I was “good enough”, it would have gotten the word out to MILLIONS of people and we would have gotten to a million followers for Drew no problem. But that’s a story I can’t/won’t fully share, and it’s what sunk me into a really bad rut of depression. A rut that was only interrupted by the news that I had to have another surgery. Amazingly that didn’t sink me further…just reminded me how lucky I really am.
Sounds odd. Surgery = Lucky.
It COULD be worse. But it’s not. For that I am thankful.
So that’s it for now. I’m scared about tomorrow. But I know the drill…all too well at this point. I’m in great hands, all will go as planned, I’ll wake up groggy as all get out and go home with some lovely pain meds. And then I wait. For results. Wait.
I can’t wait until I don’t have to do this shit anymore.
BlameCancer is still in play. We have big plans for it. I just need to get my head in the right place to do it and the team understands that. We have plenty of time. But I don’t want to waste more than I have to.
Cuck Fancer!
